Hollifield
When I saw a news story headlined “Study reveals the inside of your car is dirtier than the average toilet,” I had a few questions.
• How did they get into my car?
• What qualifies as an average toilet?
• Who is out there sniffing car seats and swabbing toilet bowls in the name of science?
The answer to the last question is researchers at Aston University in the United Kingdom, who conducted a study commissioned by Scrap Car Comparison, which advertises itself as “one of the country’s first comparison websites for scrap vehicle prices.”
Here are portions of a Jan. 31 press release from Aston University along with my editorial comments:
“The researchers took samples from car interiors with varied ownership histories, to establish bacterial contamination levels within the vehicles and to highlight how thoroughly people clean their cars.”
Yes, important work, indeed. I can imagine the head of the department pulling a young researcher aside: “Nigel, you’ve been working for the last 18 months on a new COVID-19 vaccine that will all but eliminate the virus, but we need to switch gears, so to speak, and have you lick the steering wheel of that car in the parking lot, after which we will monitor your temperature for 48 hours.”
Back to the press release:
“The results revealed that motorists should be cleaning the inside of their cars more frequently, with harmful bacteria likely to be discovered in most cars out on the road today. In particular, the study found that the car boot plays host to significantly high levels of bacteria, with E.coli likely to be found in every boot and potentially on your driver’s seat.”
The boot, as most know, is the UK term for trunk, just as British crisps are our chips, British football is our soccer, and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is to us a large Muppet.
Back to the press release.
“More commonly known as faecal bacteria, the findings pose a clear concern for anyone that puts their fruit and vegetables in the boot after a trip to the shops or enjoys a drive-thru dinner in the driver’s seat.”
It is also poses a clear concern for anyone who puts their fruit and vegetables in the boot after driving to a remote area to dispose of a dead body.
Again, back to the press release:
“Dr. Jonathan Cox, a senior lecturer in microbiology at Aston University, said: ‘The results of this study are fascinating, as they help to show that despite cleaning our cars, the older they are, the dirtier they generally are.’”
Of course, the same thing can be said about humans, hence the term “He’s a dirty old man.”
Back to the press release as Dr. Cox continues:
“This becomes key when thinking about areas such as the car boot or driver’s seat. Many of us have placed loose food shopping in our boots, or dropped the odd crisp onto our seat, before picking it up and eating it.”
As to my first question posed above – how did they get into my vehicle? – they didn’t. The study says the cars used were a 17-year-old Peugeot 307-SW, a 5-year-old VW Golf, a 13-year-old Ford Focus, a 9-year-old Honda Jazz, and a 2-year-old Peugeot 308.
And to my question of what qualifies as an average toilet? Here is where I believe the research is suspect. The release says two “domestic toilets were chosen that had not been knowingly cleaned but had been used in the preceding 24 hours.”
Real scientists know that any toilet research is woefully incomplete without results from a single-occupancy dive bar bathroom following the third set by a Molly Hatchet tribute band.
In conclusion, the study does offer these lessons: Keep your doors locked so researchers can’t get into your car, keep your boots clean, and don’t eat any crisps from under the driver’s seat.
Scott Hollifield is editor/GM of The McDowell News in Marion, N.C., and a humor columnist. Contact him at rhollifield@mcdowellnews.com.
Hollifield: Study says don’t eat crisps from dirty boots - Winston-Salem Journal
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